26th

Should've posted this two months ago, but yeah, better late than never, rite? So here we go...

I always think that “birthday” is a weird concept.

You wake up and suddenly you have gained a year. Or, depending on your point of view, you have lost yet another year. (I’m more a realist though, so I prefer to see it as I am adding one more number to my age.)

But no matter what your perspective is, one thing persists: you wake up, and something has changed. Whether it is your age, your years on earth, or the remaining days you have left to live. And change is not easy. Change is something that will shake you, sometimes to your core. Change will always be associated with something uncomfortable.

Being 25 was definitely not the most comfortable place that I have ever been. It is funny that when you were 15, you thought you can handle everything–and then come along adulthood, and suddenly you realized that everything you thought you know was just it: thoughts. You never made it into reality until you see the reality itself. And being 25, I have had a glimpse of reality itself: work, traffic jams, stressful jobs, stuck dreams, imbalanced relationships, etc. And what a horrifying reality it was, it made me want to escape so bad. And I’m really good at that: escaping. I almost always do that, escape from everything, giving myself the safety net, plan B, and even building walls and exit ways.

And poof, suddenly, one year has gone. I am now 26. Time has not been running–it’s been galloping. And strange thing is, I am not exactly in the most comfortable place that I thought I would be in years ago. I’m currently still living far away from home. And even my exact birthday was spent somewhere else. Escaping things have also not made it any better, though: I’m still stuck, and moreover, still afraid of the uncertainty.

But I’m here, I’m here. I’m still alive and well. I’m still changing and I always will. It might have just struck me that perhaps, that comfortable place will never be manifested in real life. Perhaps it is time for me to embrace the chaos while still maintaining the order of it.

Here's to being 26. Mid-life crisis syndrome can't steal my joy. No one ever.