Don't Stop Now.

“Where are you going?”
“On.”


I remembered that one question Harry asked Dumbledore when they met inside Harry’s imagination, a while after Voldemort hit him with the killing curse. And I used to wonder, what did that even mean? “On.”
And then I figured that out when I was asking myself, where I am going now.
It’s never about a state of place —it’s a state of doing, instead.
I don’t think we’re ever meant to stop in one place and die there —no, we keep ON going/walking/thriving/giving/forgiving and so on.
When you’re hurt, you keep on healing.
When you’re lost, you keep on searching.
When you fell down flat on your face, you get up and then you keep on going.
Where? On.
No matter how badly life tries to stumble you down, even if it does succeed on making you fall; you just keep on going.
He will unveil the path —don’t stop now.
Don’t stop, ever.

Seasons of Waiting

There is an old adage that says, "good things come to those who wait." I'd make a slight modification; Good things come to those who wait ACTIVELY. Waiting on God is not an excuse to be lazy in our pursuit of God. If our pursuit of God is contingent upon receiving what we want from Him, then we don't love God. We love our desires more than we love God. If that is how our relationship with God is, then seasons of waiting will quickly turn into seasons of whining. The bedrock of love is trust, and you can trust this - that because God loves you, He will make you wait. In seasons of waiting, there is a lot that God wants you to run towards.

If you want to see crops grow, you don't throw a seed on the soil and just hope it grows, getting angry when nothing happens. But that is often how we wait. You have to till the field, dig up the earth, plant the seed in enough depth, water it, tend to it, and protect it. God will bring the crop, but we have to do the work. The lesson of waiting and having to trust with whole-hearted dependence on God will bring you further than reaping a quick and easy harvest.

Patience and waiting are not the same thing. Waiting is the action of staying where one is or delaying action until a particular time or until something else happens. Patience is the capacity to accept or tolerate delay, trouble, or suffering without getting angry or upset. Waiting is the delay, patience is the tolerance of the delay. Patience is the peace of knowing that God has it and is working in you so that He can work through you. Be patient in waiting.

Your wait may not be about God keeping something from you, but working within you. Wait well. If you wait now, you won't regret later. Wait for God's best and you won't have to settle for anything less. His plans supersede our own. These seasons of waiting are the training grounds of becoming. The only thing more difficult than waiting on God is wishing that you had. The best is yet to come.

26th

Should've posted this two months ago, but yeah, better late than never, rite? So here we go...

I always think that “birthday” is a weird concept.

You wake up and suddenly you have gained a year. Or, depending on your point of view, you have lost yet another year. (I’m more a realist though, so I prefer to see it as I am adding one more number to my age.)

But no matter what your perspective is, one thing persists: you wake up, and something has changed. Whether it is your age, your years on earth, or the remaining days you have left to live. And change is not easy. Change is something that will shake you, sometimes to your core. Change will always be associated with something uncomfortable.

Being 25 was definitely not the most comfortable place that I have ever been. It is funny that when you were 15, you thought you can handle everything–and then come along adulthood, and suddenly you realized that everything you thought you know was just it: thoughts. You never made it into reality until you see the reality itself. And being 25, I have had a glimpse of reality itself: work, traffic jams, stressful jobs, stuck dreams, imbalanced relationships, etc. And what a horrifying reality it was, it made me want to escape so bad. And I’m really good at that: escaping. I almost always do that, escape from everything, giving myself the safety net, plan B, and even building walls and exit ways.

And poof, suddenly, one year has gone. I am now 26. Time has not been running–it’s been galloping. And strange thing is, I am not exactly in the most comfortable place that I thought I would be in years ago. I’m currently still living far away from home. And even my exact birthday was spent somewhere else. Escaping things have also not made it any better, though: I’m still stuck, and moreover, still afraid of the uncertainty.

But I’m here, I’m here. I’m still alive and well. I’m still changing and I always will. It might have just struck me that perhaps, that comfortable place will never be manifested in real life. Perhaps it is time for me to embrace the chaos while still maintaining the order of it.

Here's to being 26. Mid-life crisis syndrome can't steal my joy. No one ever.

Bandung Seperti Ini

Sekali-kali,
kita nikmati Bandung seperti ini.
Tidak seperti Bandung yang dinarasikan dengan romantis oleh Pidi Baiq
Tidak seperti Bandung yang di akhir pekan dimaki-maki
Bandung seperti yang hanya kau dan aku ketahui

Bukan hanya tentang hujan dan secangkir kopi,
itu masih Bandung seperti yang banyak orang romantisasi
Bukan hanya tentang lampu-lampu kota yang indah terlihat dari Dago Giri
itu masih Bandung seperti yang dinikmati terlalu banyak muda-mudi

Sekali-kali saja,
kita nikmati Bandung seperti ini.
Tanpa perlu berada di mana-mana,
tanpa perlu membicarakan apa-apa,
tanpa perlu melakukan apa-apa.

Karena Bandung yang tenang bersuara lebih banyak tentang kau dan aku.

Dan semoga sampai ke telingamu,
Bandung seperti ini
adalah hal favorit keduaku
setelah kamu.

Home

Two words that I find beautiful in the English language are ‘house’ and ‘home’.
You may have a house but not a home. You might be a couch-surfer but you have a home. You may have your summer house, winter house, etc but you long for just that one home.
Sometimes something you call home does not have to be an actual house. Sometimes something you call home is not the people you are living with under the same house.
Home is probably more than one place. Maybe we all have several: the place where we live now, the place where we grew up, and the place we dream of returning to.
If we are lucky, maybe we find all of these somewhere on a map.
If we are lucky, maybe we learn that home is another thing.

Four walls and a roof over your head isn’t the only way we define the word ‘home.’ Home is more then just a shelter, it’s where we love, it’s where we feel, it’s where we can be ourselves and it’s where life happens.

Home is a place you grow up wanting to leave, and grow old wanting to get back to. -Unknown

Bakar Jembatan

Bagi yang udah nonton film "Critical Eleven" pasti langsung ngeh sama judul diatas. Punchline yang dilontarkan Ale ketika ingin melamar Anya didalam mobil. Sebagai salah satu orang yang sangat menantikan novel Critical Eleven diadaptasi ke layar lebar, tentunya di pemutaran hari pertama pun saya sudah turut serta mengambil bagian untuk menonton. Dan film ini sukses mengaduk-aduk perasaan wanita di usia tanggung seperti saya.

((( USIA TANGGUNG )))

Usia tanggung yang saya maksud adalah quarter-life-crisis atau krisis seperempat abad.

Usia-usia dimana undangan yang kalian terima udah bukan hanya undangan nikahan lagi bahkan udah memasuki zona undangan aqiqah-an.

Usia-usia dimana ketika pembahasan dikala ngumpul dengan temen se-geng udah memasuki harga stroller, pampers yang super dry, dan juga tempat baby spa yang lucu.

Usia-usia dimana mengunjungi mothercare jauh lebih satisfying dari stradivarius.

Usia-usia dimana kalian mulai nelangsa kehilangan temen "maen" karena prioritas mereka udah naik tingkat ke mengurus keluarga.

Usia dimana kamu belum memasuki semua tahapan diatas.

Sedang di zona itu? *mari berpegangan mengelilingi bola dunia*

Back to "Bakar Jembatan". Bakar Jembatan merupakan istilah yang dipakai Ale ketika mengutarakan keinginannya untuk memasuki tahap yang lebih serius bersama Anya. Ibarat dua orang yang sedang menyeberang ke suatu tempat dan melewati sebuah jembatan, ketika tiba di tempat yang dituju mereka memutuskan untuk membakar jembatan itu bersama-sama. It means, no turning back! Ga bakal bisa balik lagi karena jembatan itu merupakan satu-satunya jalan penghubung antara tempat sebelumnya dan tempat yang kalian tuju. Dalam kasus Ale-Anya, Ale merasa yakin bahwa Anya orang yang tepat bagi dia untuk membakar jembatan itu sama-sama. Even ga ada lagi turning back bagi Ale, dia merasa akan baik-baik saja karena telah melakukannya bersama Anya. SAMPAI DISINI ADA YANG TIBA-TIBA INGIN SEGERA MEMILIKI ALE IN HER OWN VERSION? YOU'RE NOT ALONE, GIRLS. *pukpuk*

Bagaimana sih kita bisa yakin sudah menemukan orang yang tepat untuk "bakar jembatan bareng-bareng"? Pertanyaan ini kembali terlontar dikali kedua saya beres nonton Critical Eleven. IYA, 2 KALI. Saking masih kangennya sama Ale jadinya 2 kali. *EH*

Ya, apa sih yang bisa buat kita sebegitu yakinnya? Pertanyaan ini kerap hinggap pada wanita usia tanggung seperti saya. Dengan melihat bahwa tidak semua berakhir bahagia justru membuat saya pun kerap takut. Ada yang ditinggal ditengah jalan, ada yang kehilangan hal yang sangat dinantikan seperti kisah di film Critical Eleven, ada yang harus melepas mimpi-mimpinya karena harus merubah prioritasnya. Ada begitu banyak contoh ga manis yang saya lihat di sekitar. Sebab semua yang manis-manis biasanya lebih sering tersuguhkan di film :') Bukannya saya apatis dengan happiness after marriage, tetapi you know lah melihat contoh nyata lingkungan sekitar membuat kita lebih hati-hati atau bahkan takut.

Perenungan ini terus berlanjut dan membawa saya kepada satu kesimpulan.

Untuk membakar jembatan bareng-bareng, carilah orang yang siap membawa 'minyak' untuk memperbesar nyala apimu. Jangan cari orang yang membawa air, karena itu hanya akan memadamkan apimu. Jangan cari orang yang membawa angin, karena dia hanya akan meniup apimu sehingga kemana-mana. The conclusion is, find the one that dreams the same vision with you. Karena beberapa kegagalan yang terjadi disebabkan karena menghidupi dua visi yang berbeda. Akhirnya di pertengahan jalan mereka sadar, kalau apinya akan segera redup sebelum jembatannya habis terbakar karena yang satu lagi sedang mencoba memadamkannya dengan air.

I hope you got my point :')

"Do two people walk hand in hand if they aren't going to the same place?" (Amos 3:3)

Turning 25

I don't even know where to start. Too many things happened lately.

I turned to 25 last month.

sweet surprise #turning25

I faced (probably) the toughest year of my life.

Mencapai 25 yang digadang-gadang banyak orang harus disambut dengan sedemikian rupa justru tidak berlaku untuk saya. Entah kenapa saya sedikit tidak semangat menyambut pergantian tahun di tahun ini. Tidak mengharapkan dapat ucapan, kado, bahkan kehadiran. Bahkan pengen seharian quality time sama kasur di 24 April kemaren. Bukan, bukannya tidak bersyukur, but those birthday-routines didn't excited me anymore. I don't know why. It just flat.

2016-2017 is a year filled with college-drama. No, no, it's not about romance story between senior-junior or dosen-mahasiswi (*loh?). I'm just... too tired with this reality.

Tidak pernah terbayangkan sebelumnya akan mengambil major Engineering untuk melanjutkan studi saya. Diplomanya kimia, S1-nya teknik, ibarat rambut mungkin otak saya butuh di smoothing beberapa bulan belakangan ini. Deal dengan tugas-tugas yang tak kunjung usai, jam kuliah dari jam 7 pagi - 9 malam. Literally, 7 pagi guys no deal at all dan bener-bener teng go jam 9 malam ga pake dicepet-cepetin. Dan fyuhh.. di sabtu malam :') Di saat gadis-gadis lain diluar sana sedang mempersiapkan diri untuk dijemput pangeran berkuda putih, saya sudah lupa bahkan rupa pangeran itu seperti apa, wekekek :p

But at those hectic time, I had a favorite song titled 'Dalam-Mu' from Symphony Worship which the lyric taken from Psalm 23. You guys must listen to this song:

"The Lord is my Shepherd, i shall not fear

guide me in the right path, for the honor of His name

eventhough i walk through the darkest valley..

I will not be afraid"

NYESSS..

Diingetin lagi kalo sekelam apapun 'lembah' yang saya hadapi saat ini, respon yang harus saya berikan ya harus tetap berjalan, tanpa ngeluh, tanpa khawatir, tanpa gentar, tanpa takut, karena saya tahu siapa Gembala yang berjalan didepan saya.

So, entering 25, I do learn lots of things. A LOT.

1. In the quietness of His love, I found my strength.

All we need is to rest in Him, put away all the fear, the doubt, the worry and rest in Him knowing He is God. Then the small gentle voice will speak in your heart. You just have to be quiet, and listen.

2. ALL things work together for good.

Though we might not understand what God is doing, please know that He is a builder, not a crusher. What He is doing is to make something new, better and cooler than what we can imagine.

3. Align with God is never easy, but that is what life about.

This is my wish entering 25. For my heart aligns with God's heart. For my life aligns with what He wants. And alignment is never easy. It caused pain and hurt sometimes. But if it what really matter, then why need to run away.

4. Hold on to God, not to people.

Those things make me stand alone. I was forced to meet and work with new people I've rarely talk with. My comfort zone was 'taken' from me. My inner circle of friends. I was 'forced' to learn that God is my only source of strength.

5. I am loved.

And that's enough to give me courage to carry on and take a step, one a time. Not only by God, but from people surround me.

Much of love,

si gadis 25 tahun!